Friday, December 11, 2009

Can I See an ID?


I flew home last Thursday to attend a Christmas party for my dad's bank. Not only was I looking forward to this for the delectable catering, but I was also excited because it would be my first year to attend as an adult, meaning I could guzzle down as much vino as I wanted (or at least until my mother gave me "the look"). I foolishly assumed that because I knew I was 21 and my parents knew I was 21, then just about everyone else would know that also, as though once you reach the big 2-1 something drastic changes and it is known by all that you can now booze legally. Now when I say booze I don't mean I was planning on getting tanked or hammered or smashed or crunk or whatever else you can get. I just mean that I could throw a few back with the boys, kick my feet up, get loosey goosey. Kidding, I simply mean I can have a glass of wine (or a tad more) without committing a misdemeanor.
Unfortunately, my dreams of "bottoms up" weren't quite as relaxing as I had imagined. I don't know what it is but parents love (I mean LOVE) to crack jokes about alcohol. They can fall into one of two categories: the "I remember when I was your age" category or the "You sure you're old enough" category. The first ones make for much better company. And the second, not so much. Let's make this easy and call the "I remember when I was your age"-ers Team Cool and we'll call those other mongrels Team Uncool. Team Cool likes to make toasts to things like "the nights we'll never remember with the people we'll never forget" and challenge us newbies with "That's all ya got?"s and to the minors, "Lemme sneak ya a little something extra". Team Uncool basically only has one line which they seem to think is a real knee-slapper (I'm here to say it is not): "Can I see an I.D.?". For whatever reason, Team Uncool thinks this line is really the bees knees. Team Uncool is usually made up of parents who think they are funny and hip while Team Cool doesn't think they are cool, they know it. I encountered only a handful of Team Uncool members at the bank party, which I suppose should say a lot about my dad.
Unfortunately, that wasn't quite the case at a wedding I attended recently. I'm pretty sure the brother of the groom may have also been the president of Team Uncool. He pulled the whole "I.D" card more times than I can count, in fact it began to get a bit nauseating. The worst part was that each time he said it he thought it was a little funnier than the time before... it wasn't. Now I can usually muster up a fake laugh for awhile and seem at least somewhat sincere. This one just got out of hand, especially considering at this point I really was legal, which makes it far less entertaining and far more infuriating. I pulled out my fresh new license and was about ready to shove it up his pretty little.....when ahh alas, the bride and groom were whisked away onto their honeymoon and thus the reception was over. His Majesty Uncool doesn't know quite how lucky he is.
In the past month and a half since my becoming an adult I have had the honor of dealing with both Teams and in these fifty days or so I have decided that when I bore children I hope to be initiated into Team Cool and avoid Team Uncool at all costs. No one wants to be that mom. Unfortunately, back at the bank party, my vino guzzling didn't last long, "the look" from my mother came first, along with her nicely taking the glass from my hand and casually setting it on the table before carrying on her mingling way.

4 comments:

  1. You like fry lice? You like sweet sour? You like oar?

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  2. That is so SUSAN. oh gosh. love her.

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  3. Hey, I am Co-Captain of Team Cool! (except when it comes to my daughter)

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  4. just to clarify, i am only on team cool when the team members are of age and are ever so slowly sipping one glass of wine

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